| September 25th, 2006 |
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So today I played a game online. May not sound like a big deal unless you know what kind of gamer I am. I usually hate online games. I hate the typical online gamer, I hate CounterStrike 1337 kids, and MMOs just kind of irritate me. If you read Penny Arcade, you know about John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad theory (Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad) and it's something that I subscribe to. Nevertheless, there I was with a $120 (!!!!) wireless adapter for my Xbox, and a $60/year subscription to Microsoft's online service. Seemed like a bit much just for the priveledge of downloading game demos and playing Project Gotham against the one other person I know with the system, so I decided to test the waters and see if the much touted Xbox Live service could actually provide me with that much sought-after and seldom found fun online gaming experience.
I looked at the games in my library. (4 of them, as I just got the system) Fully half were for one player only, (Lego Star Wars 2 and Dead Rising) one was a first person shooter (Perfect Dark Zero) and there's no way in hell I'm going back to online shooters after my last venture into the culture with Unreal Tournament 2004, so that left me with Project Gotham Racing 3. A game that I didn't really want, but came free with the system. I've been playing it a bit, and even though racing games aren't really my thing, I have to admit it's pretty fun for what it is. Again, I've been playing it in matches against Chris, who also got it free with the system, so I've had some experience with its online as well. I'd just never played it against strangers before. I logged in to Live (Gamertag Miffy495, if anyone reading this happens to have an account and wants to add me. If you're reading this, it's a pretty good bet you're someone I'd be happy to play with) and booted up the game. And just for shits and giggles, I plugged in the headset microphone that came with the system. If I was playing with strangers, why not talk with them while I do it? I was going all out.
The first thing I hear as I enter the online lobby is the voice of a 12 year old boy saying "Man, that is so gay!" I almost logged out right there. It was as if all my fears about the online community had been validated in a fifth of a second. But I steeled my resolve and decided to play a round with them and just listen in on the conversation for a while. I was Jane Goodall to their apes. Jaques Cousteau to their slimy underwater critters. Steve Irwin to their tasteless topical joke. Sometimes there's just a bit too much of an urge to act like a sociologist, you know? So I listened in. The 12 year old and his friend went on talking for a while, when suddenly another one of the racers spoke up. This guy was a full grown man, and talked like one as well. Not something I'd expected to run into on the 'net today. He said "I dare you guys to go a single race without using the word 'gay.'" I had found an ally. There were five of us in the race altogether. I had now heard the voices of 3. When the kids started to insult the guy who spoke up, I decided it was time to get involved. I came to his defence, saying "What the hell would you guys do if someone here actually was gay?" This caught them off guard.
"Are you?" They asked.
"No, but I have many close friends who are. When you're allowed to drink, try going to bars with drag queens sometimes. They're very fun people."
They had been silenced. My ally and I had overcome the twerps, so we started talking to each other. Turns out he lives nearby, in Medicine Hat, and was playing because his ten year old son liked to watch him race. The sound of normal human conversation also encouraged our fifth racer to talk. He was a very nice 23 year old from California. We talked for a while and had three really good races. It was a very pleasant experience. Unfortunately, it ended prematurely when some jackass logged on and just had to tell the world how high he was at that second. We told him in no uncertain terms to shut up, engage in civil conversation, or fuck off. And there is the downside of the internet. There was no way we could make him do this. We finished our race and all decided to quit out. That was the end of my online adventure.
So now I'm conflicted. On the one hand, I met two really nice guys and had fun racing them. On the other, the experience was greatly marred by the presence of three fuckwits. I don't know whether it was enough fun to cancel out the fuckwits or not. I'm feeling very torn between "That was great!" and "I hate most internet people." I think I'll have to go online again on Tuesday night or something after class and see what happens. It definitely requires further investigation.
And no, there's still no way in hell I'm playing another shooter online in the foreseeable future. |
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